Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
