Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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