Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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