To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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