I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
