I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My dad is sitting where you rode me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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