I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
