I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
