Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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