Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
