Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
