When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
