Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
