Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
