Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
