Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
