Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
