So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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