you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I will be naked everywhere
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
