how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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