I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
