it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
