There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
