don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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