dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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