I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
