i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This baby is an asshole
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
