You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
