I will die if light touches me.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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