That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
