I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
