I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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