tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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