Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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