Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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