Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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