That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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