I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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