like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
