Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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