my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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