Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
