Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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