I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
