I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
