also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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