we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
