I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
