The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he was CRYING into my vagina
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
