Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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