i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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