Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
