My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
