My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
